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Remember this saying from when we were kids? A brilliant retort to being called out! Anyone calls me a cry baby, or a meanie, or chicken shit we just simply have to reply “It takes one to know one!” and no one could ever say anything back! What are they going to say to that? A brilliant fear-based defense mechanism designed to keep us safe in that moment. In this moment there has been a recognition of pain that both kids share and two becomes one. In fact, its what they have in common although its not that obvious at first.
We can directly apply “Takes one to know one” to the double iceberg. If someone calls me out for openly acting out a crybaby and my reaction is to say "takes one to know one!", then that would simply imply that deep down I already know on some level this is true about me as I am using cry baby openly to get what I want. Now on the other hand, it takes a crybaby to recognize a crybaby! So the person who felt the need to call me a cry baby is hiding their own cry baby! The original experience of crybaby is judged as painful, so in that original moment the mind has two choices, hide it or show it. And all in a desperate attempt to protect themselves from ever experiencing this again. The person who is hiding the cry baby needs others to act this behaviour out openly as they are not willing because it is too dangerous to their survival. The time may come for me to work through my need to either attach to or reject this. I will manifest another who will mirror back this judgement of myself. This may not always feel like an opportunity, but it doesn’t mean its not! The opportunity has presented itself for me to be able to become aware of the reflection that I have rejected, understand that I have a judgement (safe/dangerous) and that in that moment the whole strategy is flexible enough in the mind, for my heart to be able to embrace the whole thing and store the wisdom, without the need to change, fix, replace anything, as there was nothing truly wrong in the first place. Yes, our minds have some trust issues! But by being willing and open to recognizing the truth of Takes one to Know one, the mind begins to soften as the hearts reply to the minds fear is always the same. I love you!!! Whether the behavior is suppressed or whether its being outwardly shown, both sides of this hold a judgment. For one it may be safe to wear the mask of crybaby, in this case the mask helps me to get what I need in order to feel safe. For some it’s safer to suppress it, so that no one will ever find out that I am secretly crying all the time. Either way when the two meet and a conflict arises, it’s a opportunity for both sides to reach a internal understanding that the judgment of crybaby as safe or dangerous is the only conflict. One will wear the mask (safe to show) and the other will hide the bottom (never ever show it), both are strategies for safety. For example, If I am the one saying “you’re a crybaby!” I am clearing hiding my own crybaby. If I am the one replying “takes one to know one” I have just reinforced the mask of crybaby. Both of us need each other in order to work through both sides of the judgement. As we move into adulthood, we still secretly apply this defense as a secret way out. Every judgment, condition and the need to blame is a rejection of a part of me that I hide because to the mind it’s dangerous if anyone would ever know this about me. Although we don’t say “takes one to know one anymore” we have just adapted a new language around the same defense. Perhaps now we may say things like “oh ya? just go look in the mirror!” and perhaps even a F@!# off! These are both of clues that I am still using the line, “takes one to know one” as a defense. In any stressful situation, there is a condition within my own mind that isn’t being met in that moment. A safety issue that’s being challenged. As children we don’t have a better way, the minds brilliant genius takes over in fear to help me adapt to my environments. From the child’s perspective most are life or death situations. As an adult I can understand that there is never any need to blame or shame this brilliant part of me, and in fact there is an opportunity to give the mind a chance to work through the safety conditions with unconditional love and gratitude for it always. This part of us goes to great lengths and works tirelessly with fierce loyalty and the need to protect and serve you. NO other person would ever go to such great lengths for YOU! What’s not to love! Takes one to know one is the truest of true statements! This is an opportunity to breed compassion and love for all parts of you, especially the YOU you haven’t met yet. Krista Hurton CBP/BAT/Agent of Showthehellup www.innerarchitect.ca
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