As Kelley evolves through her own CLI practice, her understanding of the principals we work with also evolves and deepens. Here she shares her new awareness about the Stages of the Death of a Belief found on page 9 of the Show the Hell Up Guide, available free here.
We go through these stages every time we do a CLI or experience a conflict. We can move through them in fear, or take a different approach. In fear we become isolated and defensive, as in the first stage. If you find yourself in a place of denial try bringing awareness to this stage so you can fall into the next one.
The stage of anger is necessary to come to action, to resolve to take action and no longer be in denial. Its an opportunity to stop perpetuating the denial and move into resolution.
Step three is about bargaining. You can use your anger to bargain and make a deal. That’s what the ego wants to do. The question is ‘how is that working out?’ Is your anger taking you into bargaining as a last ditch effort avoid doing the work? Once you see it you can move through it.
The next step is depression. There is sadness in the fear and conflict and that your strategies are not working. Depression is a necessary and power stage. It’s the first inkling that the egoic strategies of managing and manipulating are not working and that we need to let them go. Depression is meant to help us let go of the need to keep developing strategies and manipulating. There is a death that is happening and it’s a huge move that can be scary. The key is to really experience it. At the bottom of the well there is a surrender, like hitting the bottom of the pool. But as your knees bend you can push out. The more deeply you can surrender to the process and understand the purpose, the more you experience the resolution of fear and conflict. You can rise with more power than you ever imagined. It’s a complete surrender to the moment. Surrender is not a bad thing, its so valuable. This moment. This awareness. Its all up from here. There is a willingness and openness that happens. You become so grateful and understand the purpose of the conflict. Surrender brings great peace, awareness, willingness, complete resolution. We go through these steps every single time we go through a conflict or do a CLI.
We can get caught in one of these stage as a coping mechanism. If you can notice where you get caught you have an opportunity to move past it. This is a progression to learn more about yourself, your ego, and where you take yourself out of the process. There is a positive, worthwhile nature in all of these steps to help facilitate a deeper result. Each step does not have to last long but can be experienced in a moment and moved through. They don’t need to be fear driven.
What are you noticing? Do you have any questions? Send them our way!
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