B.PE., B.Ed., Adv. CBI, BAT, Adv. CBP, Full Mesa Shaman, CEO Namaste Esperanza Retreat Inc.
Is it HOLY SHIT time yet?
Like all of you, I have experienced many painful, scary events in my life that provided the desire to change although I had no idea what that would look like or how I would get it done. For most of my life I did not have the tools to do anything but cope and manage in my perpetual over reaction. Remember what drove you to look for a way to ‘fix’ your life? Remember what caused you to look me up?
You were scared, unhappy, sad, frustrated, and all the things you were doing like dieting, working in a job you hate, sucking up to people you didn’t like, not taking a vacation cause you couldn’t afford it, putting makeup on and buying clothes to help make you feel attractive or hide a part of your body you hate ……….. and on and on and on!
And then you went seeking and found BodyTalk, or ????? and you were excited to have finally found a way to ‘fix’ yourself that would get you the life you had been dreaming about for so long but couldn’t seem to grasp no matter what you did or tried. BodyTalk (or ???) is IT!!!! So you start to study and go to workshops and learn all about how the bodymind works – Your biology is your Biography! Intellectually you have it! You can spout off any theory or technique to anyone! Some of us are so good we even teach the stuff!
Fast forward a few years to now maybe and ?........ How are you doing????
Now, are you in the habit of doing this healing work to change or stay the same? OMG! I am doing the work to stay the same! Change is really fucking scary!
Is it HOLY SHIT time yet?
Intellectually you are way smarter and look pretty slick with all your theories, but you are still scared, unhappy, sad, frustrated, and all the things you are still doing like dieting, working in a job you hate, sucking up to people you don’t like, not taking a vacation cause you can’t afford it, putting makeup on and buying clothes to help make you feel attractive or hide a part of your body you hate, doing yoga turning yourself into a pretzel in fancy gym clothes ……….. and on and on and on!
You have simply just got better at hiding the real issues! These are deep down inside and cannot be fixed by masking or coping, or adding more information. These things only grow the fear. And the lying about how great your life is now is just that, a LIE! If you build a house on a toxic waste dump no matter what you do to cover it up it will still be there!
Instead of deeply changing yourself by deconstructing the fear and unconsciousness that got you here in this mess, you have actually made the mess bigger - the very perspective meant to help you deconstruct the fear and masks, you have used to build a bigger better wall to hide behind!
True consciousness work, BodyTalk included, proposes that everything in your awareness is a simple projection from your own mind. Consciousness comes first! Consciousness work is meant to deconstruct the fear-based beliefs housed deep in the bodymind, not deny them, build them, and/or replace them with more. This isn’t about becoming an even better coper manager! Oh SHIT!!
Ok….. NOW WHAT???
It was HOLY SHIT TIME NOW!!!!!!
Well this was me up until about 5 years ago – working to hide while pretending to be working to heal. I had been desperately using the guise of BodyTalk to actually appear to do the work but not do it! No one would be able to fault me if they could see how hard I was trying to change and how much I had appeared to have invested in it. Could they? Could I?
I actually didn’t even realize this until my life blew up for real in 2013. KABOOM!
It was HOLY SHIT TIME NOW!!!!!!
I had to lose everything to begin to understand what I had NOT been doing and how deeply afraid I was to actually change for real. It seems to be very scary to even admit this out loud and be willing to be 100% vulnerable and open – I had to be willing risk everything!
Oh wait! I already had!
Well I didn’t have anything left and I had nothing left to loose except the giant-ass fear that got me in this mess. What better time to start to consciously work with myself – to show myself love instead of hate. To work the constant voices that inside me that said how much of a loser I was. You know the voices I am talking about. I called them the “itty-bitty-shitty committee”.
Wait! IDEA! What if I started to collaborate with all the fear and the false beliefs in a totally different way than I had ever done before. Clearly trying to muzzle them was not working – I was exhausted because I was using the fear to justify more fear and beliefs that were even more dogmatic. And now I could see that using these fears and beliefs as clues to the puzzle of me, I could actually show myself that they were absolutely made up by my mind and not real at all. What a revelation!
WHOA! The ‘Real Consciousness Work’ is serious shit! But what I also discovered is that it can always be light and hilarious too. Over the last few years I have gotten pretty good at catching myself when I am afraid; working with this fear in an effort to show myself that it is possible to live a life not driven by fear in the mind. Every fear we have is an opportunity to investigate to change our minds. Fear loses its power over you when you invite it in as just ‘ information to change’. When you get in the habit of showing the hell up with curiosity nothing can really scare you any more, and you can begin to live not from the mind, but effortlessly in the heart.
Teaching BodyTalk and CLI for me these days is not a way to hide any more but a way to expose my fears to resolve them as remain in service to myself. I choose to live from the perspective that consciousness comes first and I am dedicated to being the best student and example for myself and for others who wish to do the same.
Thank you to all those brave individuals who have chosen to be collaborators on this path of ‘in service to Self’.
Welcome, we’re glad you’ve arrived! ! !